Crazy Hours

As you probably know, I'm a high school student. Now, based upon your personal high school experience, you boo or cheer. I'm hoping for some boos because I hate school to the point of extreme abhorring and I kind of hope I'm not the only one. Okies, I'm going to stop talking about school before I get crazy depressed and do something I'll later regret. Because, you know, crazy hours = crazy mind. And crazy mind = crazy actions. Therefor, crazy hours = crazy actions!

Yeah, that was my lame excuse for math. I can't believe I'm in Geometry.

Oh, back on topic. Ha! (Still of topic, I guess) This time I have an excuse for jumping from topic to topic. It's about two in the morning and guess what? Everything's funny at two in the morning. *giggles*

I wish I had a nice job that started late or a nice part time job when I'm fresh out of college. I'll be able to do these crazy late hours without totally screwing up my sleep cycle. Doesn't that sound like fun? I have a love/hate relationship with writing in the wee hours of the morning. I love it because I write A LOT because I'm too tired and zombied out to catch typos. I hate it because I go back to it when I actually have half a working brain and wonder what the hell I meant.

I suppose, in a way, it's like being drunk of high.

Except, you know, it's strictly legal. And I can sorta kinda maybe remember things.

I'd be able to remember if I did anything stupid/hooked up/dirty danced. Haha, I'm joking. I'm a nice person. :P Maybe not so much of a nice person rather than a boring person.

Well yeah, pointless post as usual.

But late night/early morning writing kind of rules/sucks. I haven't really passed a final judgement on it yet.

I found this little baby from a tweet by Lauren Destefano. :) It's great, yes?

Insecure Writer's Group

Today is the day where the the insecure writers post one insecurity! Whoo~ I think all writers are insecure people. For goodness sake, what made us decide to hole up and make up characters instead of socializing with real ones? Unless you're schizophrenic, of course. Then you really have no other option.

Let's get crackin'! Here's my insecurity.

My stories suck.

Yeah, that's right. I know that every single writer thinks like this every now and then (ok, a lot) but it's all I can think about. Sometimes I'll stare at my screen with a panicked expression and my sister will snicker at me. I'm new to writing. It's a given that my stories will suck. 

But I still can't get over how terrible they are! Every single sentence sounds forced. My characters lack personality, or at the very least, a consistent personality. My main character is whiney and way too angry at the world. And the list goes on and on and on and ooooon~ Street lights~

Gah, I got sidetracked again. The quality (or lack of) in my stories depresses me. I must be masochistic because I still write anyways. It totally kills my social life and self esteem but I can't seem to stop! Who needs drugs when you have writing?

Procrastination

I like to think of procrastination as a disease, even though I have a lot of control over it. Like right now, for example. I know that I should be working on my Spanish project for orals tomorrow, but I've gotten this far and I want to bang my head against mi escritorio until my head's reduced to a bloody stump of a neck. Lovely, eh? (What, the run on sentence or the mental image?) Oh, other Julie's back! I suppose four hours straight of schoolwork is enough to make drive anyone insane.

But yes, as writer's we also deal with a lot of procrastination. I'm not the only one who has an irresistible need to check my twitter every few seconds or read another blog post, am I? Because if I am, then I'm a really pathetic creature.

The point of this extremely pointless and rambling post is that you can beat procrastination. Get your butt in the chair, turn off the internet, and write.

No, you cannot use laundry as an excuse.

...

Well, I better follow my own advice. Off to finish the Spanish! Ugh...did I mention that I'm going to fail?

How did you become a writer?

I have a lot of wakeup calls from life, something I think happens because the universe is sick of my bullshit. You hear about people's stories on how they discovered they were writers; a heartwarming story of a kind teacher, crazy antics turned words, or years of not fitting in and finally finding your niche in life. Personally, I love those stories. I've never had a teacher come up to me and tell me, "Julie, I think you'll become an author when you grow up." Mostly, my teachers ignore me. I'm the quiet girl who sits through the entire class without speaking a word. I'm just a painkiller after the hangover.

I wish I had a reason for writing. I really do. Last year, more than anything in the entire world, I wanted my English teacher to come up to me and tell me that I was a good writer. We did a short story in the Hero's Journey format and I adored it! We spent almost a month writing, in and out of class. After the stories were graded and over with (which took a long time. My teacher got really sick-too sick to do anything other than sleep) I looked at my grade sheet.

To my excitement, there was a little note to the student, written in red ink. Mine said, "Great job! What pretty words!"

...

I was crestfallen. But I got over myself pretty quickly. Where would I be if I wrote for other people? I'd be chasing trends that I don't care about and trying to be just like them.

I became a writer because no one else would listen to me. Now, I take my words and try to make them useful. I wanted to create my own world. I'm not very good at it--hell, I haven't even finished one novel sized piece yet.

Maybe I write because I can't stand reality and I need to take baby steps into healing.

I don't know.

But the most important part is the most obvious; I write.

School

My school tries to force a silent reading time onto us because most teens don't like reading. Le Gaspe! (No hating, please. I don't take French.) I know right? How can someone not enjoy reading? It sounds impossible. Moving on...so most kids don't like silent reading time. They'd rather gossip about who knows what and giggle like their brains were replaced with marshmallows. (Oh great, I sound antisocial and bitter now. Not that I am...*guilty face*) I have this evil teacher who loves dumping loads of homework onto unsuspecting teens on the first day of school. Two actually. Wait, no, three. Ok, so I have three evil teachers who enjoy giving teens homework while we're in a hazy "wtf am I doing here?" kind of mindset. Then again, that's me all year. But one of these three demonic teachers holds class during silent reading time. Guess what? She doesn't let us do silent reading. Apparently "imagination fluff and creativity has no room in a science lab". Hello? Most of the scientific breakthroughs needed imagination and creativity. And girls like me need a little silent reading at school to prevent mental breakdowns. Are you retarded? I know I am. My teacher kind of reminds me of the darling little lady below. Except she's a million times older with pure white hair.

I can't stand another day of school. :( Tomorrow's Friday! I have a test in math. The good outweighs the bad?
...
Yeah right.

Camp Nanowrimo Progress

To be honest with y'all, (not Southern, I just like saying y'all) I'm a procrastinator. I can't do anything without a deadline and solid reason. Most of the time, I wind up doing school projects the day before it's due. So naturally, I don't get straight A's. If I do everything half assed, then I shouldn't expect full results. And I don't. (Total lie) Ok, school analogies aside, it totally effects my writing. How? Well, um...everything? I'm trying to do Camp Nanowrimo for August and I was on a roll. I was on a roll until three days ago, that is. Three days ago, my mental drive crashed. (Whoohoohoo, who said anything about being sane? No? You didn't think anything about sanity until now? Oh...) Now I'm in a writing slump. I hate my story. I hate the beginning, the middle, and the future end. I hate my characters. I just hate everything about it. Sooooo...I'm not sure if I can continue. I convinced a friend of mine to join on the mighty fine writing adventure but I want out. *tightens noose* Everyone (meaning three people, two of which I don't actually know) says I should stick it out until the end. But here's the problem...

I. Don't. Wanna.

(cue tantrum)

I'm trying to coax myself into writing again and I don't want to spend the 31st of August crying my eyes out and pounding random words (mainly curse words) into my word doc while thinking "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I should've gotten more done before the deadline's only a few hours away". Um...sound familiar, anyone? *coughmecough* Yeah, that's how I feel before a project's due. It doesn't help that my brother takes 30 minutes to do the same project and gets a better grade than me. (Sorry, I got distracted again) Well, I hate that panic.

Deep breath, Julie.

So there you go, baby steps. Today I managed three moderately sized paragraphs and tomorrow I'm aiming for two pages. It's not a lot but it's better than nothing. (Plus, I kind of want to know what it's like to crazy type a few minutes away from the end. Will it be like a writing high if I make it?)

Ohmygod, how the hell am I supposed to keep my characters consistent if I can't even be consistent in what I want? *screams*

WriteOnCon

This has nothing to do with WriteOnCon, but I've wasted a lot of my summer reading fashion magazines or browsing online store catalogues. I'm chunky. I really hope that I'm not fat but 92 lbs is a lot. Looking at picture after picture of gorgeous models doesn't help my self esteem very much. *mutters* I better start a new skincare routine, learn how to use makeup, and loose ten pounds. But that wasn't the point of this post. I just threw that in to add a little "fluff" to this post so it'll look longer. ;D Really, though. I've gotta loose weight...

WriteOnCon is amazing. I've spent the last two days glued to my computer (see the problem?) just watching/reading the articles on this site. There's one day left! After August 18th, it's done for this year. It's geared towards writers that have MC's 18-years-old or less but there are a lot of general ideas that can be applied to any genre of writing. Kiersten White and Lauren Oliver have vlogs/articles with advice, so get your lazy ass over there! Write On Con covers the stages from the first sentence to publication! It's an online writers' conference and it's absolutely free~ What are you waiting for? Oh, the link? Well here it is!

http://writeoncon.com/

Now what are you still doing here? :/ Shoo! Scram!